The World is Grey ; A Spiritual Path
Writings By:cindy bottenfield
The World is Grey
The world is grey
And there is lots of people
There is no sun
Angels talk softly
In my other ear
"I don't know what to say"
To My Daughter Cierra
A Book
The Wizard
The wizard shown in the crystal ball with his long black wand.
Are friendship means alot to me; am I struggling, there is no bond.
The wishes, the crystal horse glowed as I gazed.
It doesn't matter my body nobody wants.
All this is a stare , a blank daze.
The dream I had is cause for an end & new beginnings, a peace;
and as I look at more the night in the ball is dark and light
forget my sins.
The wishes nobody wants but was granted by the magician
Insanity or desires or peace is what I want.
Yesterday was special and I won't forget it.
by cindy bottenfield
I always loved you
I don't understand, I always loved you.
I am sorry I wasn't kind
I'm really confused and the questions
if you knew how it made me feel
And my past and dangers of mental illness things doesn't last
I'm thru with ends and I'm starting new beginnings
I wouldn
t hurt anybody, people won't let me go.
I'm sorry I got so close. I'm not this phsco
I've changed I'm thru with attattchments. and negative
I just need a second chance
And a clarity, a higher power.
This is my call to God in this hour for I fear it could be worse.
by cindy bottenfield
Shoppers Moon
The yellow faced moon hung in the glowed orb all alone .
A sad faced shone, hanging in the air.
Pinned to the blue night of make believe and the hand
pointed that away
The oceans and waves was clear to the believer at the
bottom of the ball, I was at sea. Just me.
A speck of light shone in the center lighting the entire
globe is what I saw when I crystal gazed this night
Did nothing at all.
by cindy bottenfield
Waking up to Dreams
Frustrations and alone
You never cared for me its me and the day
What will it bring
Waking up to dreams
Satan holding me
Breaking free
I was there on golds wings
Looking for ways to get thru the day
Guess ill do this
I am alone
Anticipating a life without friends
Waking up to dream
Armegeddon and the end
Trumpet and the east
Not having you around is breaking my heart
I have changed
And Im torn apart
Waking up to dreams
Dreams of righeoustness
Ive considered my path my life my heart
Without you IM going to find a differant way
I am sad .
But there
is another day.
by cindy bottenfield
My Mind
I walk the cobbed hallways of my mind.
I'm in the upper rooms, there is a dim light glowing as I reason why I am.
Voices torment the hell out of me.
Evil exsist in 666.
Somebody send an angel please.
Your good- don't cry
What's told to me.
My friends I hurt
I wish I could love them better.
Just this damn curse.
I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of feel bad.
I am sad.
by cindy bottenfield
Roseries and Statues
The 6 roseries was in the palm of a hand.
Hail marys to the land.
The black and white cross hung low
And Jesus sat on the throne
In the church the bells rang
A small boy sang
And I prayed
The 6 roseries was in the palm of a hand
A statue to trade
In the church that day.
by cindy bottenfield
So Far Away
On the shores of the waters troubles from the master......
Leaving heaven so far away
from the pasture I turn my back
dark clouds on the horizon
so far away
Memories of you Im sad
My sweet love, I wish I had that
My immortal god Im coming home
Leaving heaven so far away.
By; cindy bottenfield
Feet
Feet. The feet of kings are made of clay,
the toes are countries in sybolic roes;
man stands on his own two feet.
In and out of his feet the spirit leaveth.
One foot is straight
the other is crooked
leading on the paths of angels they have called in dreams
The feet of the saints are washed holy
Even the poor people don't forget
The feet of the kings lead the nation to peace
and go into war
the feet of the kings rule lands and answer to God.
Mary cried on Jesus's feet.
by cindy bottenfield
The Baby
Oh blessed be,Oh blessed be the baby
purple garments of clothes when he was born
justice was served
green is the faith his servants kneel to pray
the crown of gold he wears
but in the manger newborn baby lays
the three wise men visited and delivered an ephimay
on the 12 night kings day for the world to believe
oh blessed be oh blessed be the baby
by cindy bottenfield
Philosphers Stones
In the ages I sing of the philosphers stones , ancient
bodies and buried bones.
I sing of espionage and Russian Spys, government
coverups and lies.
And I want to sing about evil and the true believer.
And I want to write a song about Jordan and
ephimany
Oh can't you see, I'm free
My words are words I hear inside my head when
I'm awake and when I'm lieing in bed.
I want to sing about terrorized and cataylists
and all the fish in the sea I want to write for you
and me
I serand you with John Hancocks Pennnman ship
I serend you, let me kiss you on lips.
I evow Harry Truman 33rd President changed the country
made the world for better for you and me
I hear I hear implants
hey hey my my lets dance
come a little closer and Ill tell you the dreamers world of
charms and voices.
It's all in the toil of the days ends and the bow of earth
bends end to end.
by cindy bottenfield
Giving way to much
What I want for me. I was busy thinking I give apart of myself
away and it leaves me with something missing. I got nervous
energies that is breaking free and telling me I gave way too much.
It's just this wishing. Perhaps advantages was taken and feelings
like mine practice salvation and silense somewhere bounderies
has been crossed and I can't get to the esscense of the
spirit.The descent of the eagle is flying in the air is living inside of me.
And I don't fear it. To live again and not share all of me, to live free with
the stars, the sun, the birds, the trees. That's what I want for me.
by cindy bottenfield
Satans Dark Velvet Kisses
Waiting in my dreams for visits from you
Myswell make a friend of you
Waiting in my dreams , kisses promised me
Waiting in my dreams song I heard
to be true
Waiting in my dreams to please God but he's nowhere
Why do I look at the stars and wait to get married?
In my dreams I wait to fall in love.
by cindy bottenfield
The Shaman
A cold chill is in my house its brokedown,
a cold wind blows it hounds
I saw the spirit of the Shaman and saw thru his eyes
and enterance to his world of great loving
kind hood of loving earth and man kind
The plants in spring wow its winter plough
the ripe one father thats passed and tell me if I planted
a harvest that will last
visions of a mothers birth- the daughter devine or cursed?
The days you spent with me thru xmas and new years left
me defenseless Im not a victim Im forgiven
You hate me in this world because I have a lord.
I want a god that will last. One of dreams, promises,
visions,and prayers. I want a God that will last.
by cindy bottenfield
I need a Job
This anxiety desires fuels my shame
How dare myself I'm not the same.
My head is hot and my eyes is lowered
I can't stare at your face
and look you in the eyes.
Is it my aweful words?
I'm in a body box trapped like a rabbed rabbit.
I open my mouth , it's alright for a little bit.
Then it's what do we now. I'm not that crazy.
Maybe get a volunteer job and prove I'm not lazy.
Help my self-esteem.
by cindy bottenfield
I can't believe her
What has she done
Someones sad
Now what
See special
Your special
Dumb
Your poem is better that
THATS IT
by cindy bottenfield
The Ephimamy
It's another morning faded ephimamy all the lights
of glory shinning
with angels blowing broken trumpets.
I woke to the sun climbing the stairs of the sky
slowly dieing for the world to see.I'm lost in me.
I meet you my lover at my request and babble
the loathed language that I onced loved.
Despiced my pores IM a believer this just
furthermore I'm dieing.
Yet awawake in the clouds the blues that sing and
the birds wings are in my way
Hold on I'm flying to meet a saviour dead and gone
Let me in
Let me in
The words I pray.
by cindy bottenfield
Soulsearch
Finding the meaning searching for soul, what it is to you
if there is a dark spot on your soul? And who's true name
and Hidden story lives the life of glory and where do we
go from here? How high do we rise with are faithful humbleness
abode?Who directs are beaded moccassins and are sleeping
teepees from destructions, who controls the weather and
makes it rain and shine? Who controls Walstreet and drinks
the cherished wine?
Finding the meaning , searching for soul. I searched. Am I a empty vessel?
Is my eyes a dry well?Searching for soul. I can't tell. My heart hurts. What
about everything else?
by cindy bottenfield
Blackbirds
In the van we rode, me mom, Joe, Dad & Bud
The blackbirds came from the sky
The tornado was all around a few drops fell
The people from the park sang
Devided we stand Devided we fall
The huge blackbirds was images of black tornadoes
I guess how the story goes been bothering us for 18 years or so
Lord have mercy its a marching band!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by cindy bottenfield
Orphesus in Hadees
Satans seat a petrified tree
All around the fallen angels sing
Orphesus in Hadees
Bring the bells
And make a believer out of me
That there is a heaven or hell
Orphesus in Hadees
Light the broken path and heal my bodys drawn bath
Orphesus in Hadees
Rise to eternal fame calling on the winds the shame
faced sun
Orphesus in Hadees
Starstruck and damaged I'm looking back running toward ya
Orphesus in Hadees
What betwitxt earth and fortified thee in the lower parts
your soul calls
I wish I knew who you are.
by cindy bottenfield
Blue Dolphins
Blue dolphins swim the oceans and seas
It's a young girl on the edge of the world
wanting to be free
Ships and boats in the harbors are friends
The young girl has strenght and don't know
when she'll be back again
Blue Dolphins swim the oceans and seas
Were off to join the Navy.
The young girl is supporting the USA.
Its a bright beautiful day.
by cindy bottenfield
A letter to Jesus
I miss you here on earth being a man all the woman who pray
your cross is what it took to set slavedom free
I think of the all the years I was under the yoke and had it my way
I think of what I done my sins to bury
my cross to carry
I think of all the woman who pray
I think of whats wrong and whats right
I think of you day night
I just want you to know I need you in my life
my lord and saviour my guiding light.
by cindy bottenfield
Heaven or Hell I couldn't tell
I saw a ghost it was me
A misty rocky morning with gold streams
Where I'll be
The fog lifted and cleared the way
I gazed into my rooms wondering about what I saw
When will I believe
Heaven or Hell I couldn't tell
by cindy bottenfield
The Unicorn
Long live the Unicorn that dipped his tip in the pages and living
beings were born.
What we have inside searching in and what' been left out.
The sacred horn in the garden his fiery nostrils breatrhing
out the spirits of Adam and Eve and the story of the leaves.
God who was man the veins of the lands.
The blood of the horn, the sacred unicorn.
Who in heaven worships thee?
The horn of the unicorn is nailed to a tree.
His hooves cleaved to his father and he favoured the crowed.
White and pure. The unicorn, every knee shall bow.
by cindy bottenfield
To My Daughter
The stressed words I used if you see the balled mess inside me
Conversations ended on high notes
There is hope in my pressured mind
My daughter I want to find the treausres of life with you'
Anxieties twisted in my pores, when I'm sharing locked away gold
I love you, when I talk its a garbelled mess that gets on my nerves.
When I hear your words it soothes the deepest sores and serves the sweetest
alibaster box.
I want you to know theres no replacing you your talents are from God.
His gifts you don't understand
by cindy bottenfield
Forrest of Elves
The forresst of elves in my foggy mind that I reveal the blue atmosphere
and the shades of green and I make believe the gold words
aren't as they seem
some are magnigied
some are plain
I'm a magician
Anotherworld a shield has been broken
The field of flowers and the princess elf is waiting on me to repair
damages
And fast and learn to break to free and worship the king
The Princess Elf is in her nature dress like a goddess, playing
the pipes in my mind to each footsteps I tred the kalidascope
road, she eases my heavy load. For when the pipes plays everything
dissappears.Iiits protected silence with pained tears.
by cindy bottenfield
Fallen Angels
Fallen Angels fall to the ground that beautiful day and didn't
make a sound
Like the blackbirds who sing I hear there call
Like the blackbirds who fly I watch there fall.
Fallen Angels fall to the ground
Broken tears pour from the Lord
How can he get you back again?
Praise earth, mans sins
Fallen Angels found you in my arms
Is this the love you want, why?
Fallen angels and there earthly crowns
Your eyes are magical memories of a door to dreams , your
beautiful
So why do you want me?
Fallen Angels your stepping down stairs away from the throne
How can you be alone?
by cindy bottenfield
Flipper
Flipper what have you done?
Can you see the sun?
In the bowl you swim with a broken fin
All the fishermen want you
And you jumped away
Flipper how do you like your knew home?
There in the bowl all alone
The big fish miss you
And so does the fishermen
If you knew
they liked you
by cindy bottenfield
Israel
Jewish peace came from afar
Israel the five pointed star
to the shores of America
Open the Gates and get Involved
by cindy bottenfield
The Mask
The Mask I wear, I paint my face
Is this whats hidden before?
The man behind the closed door
That I lock myself away and
show a scarey head to the world?
What's my true self, is it things inside me?
I wear on my sleave
My Mask makes a story of me.
by cindy bottenfield
I Hate Myself
All this lonely daze
I live below means
What can I say?
Doing without food
And sleeping on floor
Messy house doesnt sooth
my nerves
Making mistakes in front my friends
Makes them leave and I worry
they won't come again
How can survive
with medicine that makes me sane
when I'm sad
and don't know what to do
buying things for
people to make them happy to
I hate myself
by cindy bottenfield
Hitchiker's Ghost
Suncatcher's shadow the hitchikers ghost
Scarlet letters sent away, faded roses, the drifters host
yeah, stolen ace of spades
an eternal night and wondering days
The hitchikers ghost, yeah, shines lights of beams
you got to be happy when your on the trail of being born
yeah into a world of creepy things and bright lights
chosen on an old night
The hitchhikers ghost taught the laughing goat
how to talk
freedom holds his spirit with the keys
Oh yeah brown eyes of a ghost she loved the most
makes a poor man bleed
Roll on over the fields of farmers seads
And Let's be free
by cindy bottenfield
Trains
Whipperwhools dance hobo songs to the trains
I've got to go
Blue strings of eyes pull forces beyond my control
The desert grassbeds nestles a man growing old
dieing stars in the deepest slumber on a lover's first
kiss
my love for you I miss
Gather the memories and remember for the windowed
past
Disappearance of the emotions of a blind man's brial
when love letter s are last
by cindy bottenfield
Perscephone
Trees whispers forresst fears
And broken willow wands ignite
Rivers bath naked beauties on a dark night
Cymbols of the imps blame the half moon's lover for
ignorance
yearning for love and music
Perscephone all on her own,
Persuasions from way down deep
shh.....loves above on the throne
the serpant snake crawls up my arm
Perscephone husbands's charms
Trees whispers forresst fears
And broken willow wands ignite
Snakecharmers cheer at the light of RA!!!!!!
by cindy bottenfield
Shooting Star
King Death's reaper filled mills at rebirth
Ornaments glittered jeweled stacked on the temple walls
Bear head sacrificial rights"O devine beings"
"Why does the sun go down?"
Fly feathered eagle in the sky alone
Americas past is over now
I will rise again, just like the coming of the winds
And go forth as a shooting star.
by cindy bottenfield
God
Dew drops worship the morning grass
Like the sand in the hourglass
God has shortened
Birds wings cover the fields
Like the book of the bible and the seals
God will open.
Middle East
Over in the Middle East in the lands of Iraq
The oil is thick and black.
The United Nations make money from occuppying
the lands
We invaded the Middle East with a forced hand.
to keep the price of oil down,
were in the middle east because of are cars not because
of who we found
The war on Terror was allowed
The Arabs and Sheeks make deals to keep it this way
The price of a barrell of oil is low today
The oil of there land is theres everybody wants it
its not fair nobody cares
Forceful enterance and global unity agreement
when there shouldnt be a war.
What are they fighting for?
by cindy bottenfield
I Need a Heart Of Humbleness
Up with no desires, thinkinng about mental illness and
my darkest hours;
The path of spirtualitality and the mishaps of my english
language,hearing on the winds and in the stillnest night
and echoeing of silence I'm tired of darkness
Please let me see a ray of light
I search the book and scriptures over 30,000 to be found
where are they at?
I plundered the top and found comfort in a few went back to look
for a 102 I can buy the book of bee, read from my bible the
codex sinatacitacus and symmychus too, it don't do no
good because I need change deep within loose the chains that
made me a slave and make me sane again
So all this talk can't bring salvation too my heart
I sure am this
What can I do
I need a heart of humbleness and Jesus too.
by cindy bottenfield
Not Perfect
As I sit here after you left to go home
I just thought your company tonight was nice because
I wasn't alone
I thought of the day and the warm sunlight
I thought of the desk and chair I want to buy
And I thought of the little girl shot in the eye
In Syria where things seem s to gets worse
an I don't understand why
I'm glad I'm in my house tonight and in this land
I want to say things in life cause cause pain and sufferring
And I thought of the tablets of Venus
And everything i can remember I learned from books
How life and this planet earth
And of the gods creatures and mythes to follow
Philospholies,sciences,politics,religions and the
world future past and present
When history gets written and someone dies thats a victim
And on this day the little girls soul went
To the gates of heaven and probably met the angels
in the sky
Because of fighting and government uprise she died
On today when I think of human kind and peace
Somebody should do something about all this fighting , protesting
and dieing
The innocence of the child. I think of mine before I go to sleep.
by cindy bottenfield
The Hermit Is Better Alone
The hermit closes his door and bolts it shut
Opening to some he allows to come in
But mostly he's alone with make-believe friends
This way he can have peace from conversations
of lowdowns and people calling him a phoney
He treds the beaten path of being lonely
On a harvest mooon and watching the stars in the sky
he eats his bread and soon he'll share a cup wine
with the gods he knows best
The hermit is best when he is alone
by cindy bottenfield
I say my prayers to God before I go to bed
Please God make me lovesick and make my heart hurt for you
Hear these things that I said
So I can I know what loving you means and what it feels to be true
I offer sweet inscense up to heaven to get to know you
and roses fill the air
My love is yours and you care
In my state of mental illness the music plays
and i hear the Rabbi
I want to long for deeply, I want my spirit to sigh
And as I say my prays to Jesus please make me sick
He blows on my head while I'm lieing on my bed
Please Jesus make me pure, Make my heartsick
Make me long for you, Make me a child a God.
by cindy bottenfield
Mental Illness
Conversations in my head
Cindy are you listening?
Yeah I heard every word you said
early in the morning
meds come by
When the birds sing
And they fly so sweetly in the sky
When my nurse first came by I dremt of
terrorized before she knocked on my door
Now instead of sleeping in my bed
I sleep in the front on the floor
My nurse mumbles words in her brain
I hear her words am I sane?
Her escense fills my nose
Is it hullicinations Im wondering if I should let you know
Words on the cd play and fill the air when songs sung
are heard only begun then are missing when I'm the
only who cares
I can talk to you
you can talk to me
Theres so many voices I'm thru
I am thinking I have annorism - its just me
My body is a vibration is energies
Should I feel shame or set free?
It's my choice?
My body use to be a pin cushion
I am like Jesus I am sorry
All this crazy pushin for salvation
My mom quit sewing
My eyes are visions of the material future
with little promises
That things won't be broken
All these things are my piled sins
Without Jesus Iv'e come to the conclusion 666 can't be fixed
And dreaming of Satan holding me
Makes me want to think and I know see
Satans dark velvet kisses
And all the wishes
can't bring Jesus to me
Predestination for somebodies soul and eternal hope
for Gods kingdom and the fear of hell
I can't help myself Jesus for its been said a soul
needs the well.
by cindy bottenfield
The Madhi and Asteroids
Asteroids or the solar sun creating records of heats or orbits
of asteroids plummeting to earth near missing it and another
expected to come close to contact November 8th 2011. Some
believe the Madhi the guided one or the phrohesied redeemer of
Islam will stay on earth before the day of the judgement. beside
of Jesus.Some of the signs include there a lunar and solar ecipse
in the month of Ramadam, there will be a luminious tail in the sky
or a comet from the east. There will be a raising of the black standard.
Glenn Beck talks about establishing the caliphate and Egypyt
doing this with the uprise of the citizens of the government turnover.
But I don't know what it means. Perhaps its something to think about
Could we be striving for are end?And creating a self prohecy?
In other words we bring the disaster on areselves?But there is
global unease with stock markets and are political parties
There is no time to worrry about God. And fighting a war that's HOLY.
Shouldn't the markets have done well today? What's the answer behind that?
It will take time to heal and recover when we have outsourced are jobs
since the Reagan years . And maybe before. IM not familiar with it. I couldn't say
but it will be interesting to watch.
by cindy bottenfield
A Wish
The moon was out tonight and I was wondering what God in Heaven
was doing when it called for snow.
And we only got dropps , some yelled it snowed it snowed. And
what the shoppers at Walmart thought when they left the store
that eve to get in there cars without a thought of make-believe.
And wishes or Jesus or good ol St. Nick but if they would
have wished there would have been snow or conscious wish or
A subsconscious wish theres stars in the sky that glow
just for this. And on xmas morning when there gifts and the spirit Gods
magical kingdom reighns. Just a wish.
bby cindy bottenfield
I Missed Church Today
The church bells rang as I went about my bussiness ignoring
the sounds of the echoeing chimes throughout the city. of
my hometown. I overslept not setting my alarm clock and
chose to close my eyes again. Becuae I didn't want to deal
with God or his pew filled church. All the things I learned
forgotten as I wondered where my redeemer was and if
rushing thru the doors of the great assembly would
the members include me?And if not being there would I miss
a message of peace? In the community and does the sword of Moses
fit in with my schedule of searching? It doesn't take long the preachers
are certain to convey lectures and sermons on how the
glory of America has seen brighter days and fault the
Islamic Rulers and Nations but those are days of 911 and when
the flag waved. Having thought of Buddah and the wisdom he brings you
must know all things. IN studying am I wrong? These are just the major
religions shouldn't there be a new one about to lead people
to truth hope and saving days. I said a prayer today God
won't you hear me. If your real. I missed church today.
And I doubt it really matters because while I sit in one
I wish I was in another.
by cindy bottenfield
Copper Pennies
Copper Pennies Add up
In my old blue jeans and bear cup
Push thru the gates , shine the bells
Toss them in the wishing well
Skulls deep in the boughs of the oceans
Cementarys cloaked sins
Cross of timeless gain
Makes a crazed sane
The beaten fruit of Jesus shame
Because it was favor, who's to blame?
Colored houses, locked doors, castle towers,
gold floors, monk prayers, i'm alone
Bereft and old , circus streets and throwing stones
Copper Pennies Add up
by cindy bottenfield
Flowered Alters
Flowered Alters, diamond spirts
Where are they at to call?
Kneel down to the shinning lights facing a wall
Jeckyl and Hydes Lullaby
Worship a God I'm distruaght, tears on an alter I cry
Flowered Alters Written spirits
Where are they at to read?
Kneel down to the words of the dove Im
trying to break free
Flowered Alters Waters Spirits
Where are the Streams
Kneel down to Oceans of Gods Soul
Im trying to hold onto my dreams.
by cindy bottenfield
The World is Grey
The world is grey
And there is lots of people
There is no sun
Angels talk softly
In my other ear
"I don't know what to say"
by cindy bottenfield
by cindy bottenfield
But there
Its a bright beautiful day.
Is it hullicinations Im wondering if I should let you know
by cindy bottenfield
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